Shubhra Sharma

Manners Matter Shubhra Sharma

Dear ParentsWe know that children understand directives. They also understand authority. When parents' direct children to behave appropriately, they usually do because they are well aware of the consequences of not following a directive. But children resist authority every way they can. And the most powerful weapon in their arsenal is "why"-why should I do this? Why should I sit straight? Why do I need to use a fork like this? Why can't I throw food I don't want to eat? And so on. Nothing tests a parent's patience as a "why." It just keeps coming till it becomes a full-fledged interrogation. Consequently, emotions get frayed, exhaustion takes over, and parents effectively always end the interrogation by telling their children to leave the table and/or go to their room. What permeates the home, henceforth, are feelings of guilt (for the parents), and resentment (for the children). For the children then, good behavior, following etiquette, is not a choice but an imperative. They must sit straight at the dinner table because a parent said so and not because good posture assists in good digestion. So, they learn good behavior as a negative rather than as a positive with a good physiological reason behind it. What if it was the other way around? What if there was guide to good behavior that was a book and not a parent? Would that help? I think it might. Children resist good behavior as a way to resist authority. What if good behavior was self-directed rather than parent-directed? This book is that experiment. It's an early-stage guidebook for good behavior and etiquette for children between the ages of 5-13 years. This book, a first in a series, is about giving children the power to craft themselves into responsible familial and social citizens without authoritative parenting. So instead of a parent saying, "sit straight while you eat," a child who's already read the guidebook, does so without prompts. This guidebook is not about making parenting useless but collaborative, easier even. This self-guide is for your children, parents. Thank you for sharing it with them!Kindest RegardsDr. Shubhra Sharma