Bill Nye

Bill Nye and Boomerang

I write this letter in great haste, as I have just returned from the new carbonatediscoveries, and haven't any surplus time left. While I was there a driving snow storm raged on the mountains, and slowly meltingmade the yellow ochre into tough plastic clay which adhered to my boots to such an extentthat before I knew it my delicately arched feet were as large as a bale of hay with about thesame symmetrical outlines. A miners' meeting was held there Wednesday evening, and a district to be called MillCreek District, was formed, being fifteen miles each way. The Nellis cabin or ranch issituated in the center of the district. I presided over the meeting to give it an air of terror and gloom. It was very impressive. There was hardly a dry eye in the house as I was led to the chair by two old miners. I seatedmyself behind the flour barrel, and pounding on the head of the barrel with a pick handle, Icalled the august assemblage to order. Snuffing the candle with my fingers in a graceful and pleasing style, and wiping the blackoff on my pants, I said: "Gentlemen of the Convention: In your selection of a chairman Idetect at once your mental acumen and intelligent foresight. While you feel confident that, in the rose-colored future, prosperity is in store for you, you still remember that now youlook to capital for the immediate development of your district."I am free to state that, although I have been but a few hours in your locality, I am highlygratified with your appearance, and I cheerfully assure you that the coffers which Icommand are at your disposal. In me you behold a capitalist who proposes to develop thecountry, regardless of expense."I also recognize your good sense in selecting an old miner and mineral expert to presideover your meeting. Although it may require something of a mental strain for your chairmanto detect the difference between porphyry and perdition, yet in the actual practicalworkings of a mining camp he feels that he is equal to any emergency."After the band plays something soothing and the chaplain has drawn up a short petitionto the throne of grace, I shall be glad to know the pleasure of the meeting."Round after round of applause greeted this little gem of oratory. A small boy gathered upthe bouquets and filed them with the secretary, when the meeting proceeded with its work. Most of the delegates came instructed, and therefore the business was soon transacted