Nikkie Alexander

Living in Darkness Nikkie Alexander

I want to take you on a journey, a journey filled with love, hate, sadness, anger, rape, and regret. I want to share a true story with you on how, at the age of thirteen, I was forced to live in a blind world, a blind world filled with pain, the unknown, but most of all, plenty of fear. A journey so long that I tried over and over again to get rid of parts of my disturbing past by pretending these things never happened as they continue to haunt the present that most definitely threatens to destroy my future. I continued to travel through life and look for love in all the wrong places, and when love comes to me, I almost ruin one of the best things that ever happened to me. Storing away my past in my little black box and not dealing with any of these things only causes me to mistrust and make bad decisions, not only for myself but also for my entire family's welfare. I never have the heart to tell the man that has given me everything about the horrible things that had happened to me, and not realizing, these things have control of my daily life. Although this information may indeed help him better understand me and our journey together, I just can't seem to find the right time; and furthermore, I feel I have everything under control, and this false security maybe my biggest downfall. As many years go by, I do find the strength to deal with few things that have fallen from my black box but still don't find the strength to share other important experiences with my husband. These things continue to way a heavy on my mind and my heart, and it won't be until I leave Houston and turn my back on my past that I'm able to break away from the thing that has been holding me back for many, many years.