How to Feel Manly in a Minivan: the Desperate Dad's Survival Guide First edition

For every guy who has wondered how he could possibly become a dad while preserving any masculinity, sanity or dignity, this practical and hilarious guide will teach you

HOW TO FEEL MANLY IN A MINIVAN
...and many other essential self-preservation techniques for new dads
 
Men are ill equipped to face the challenges of fatherhood, but we've always made a noble effort: engaging in the meaningful sex, attending the breast-feeding class without giggling, and staying sober during the college planning.  But the time has come for new dads to suffer no more.
 
Veteran dad and author Craig Boreth sets out to smooth the path to paternity, showing desperate new dads:
 
HOW TO CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT YOU'RE READY, from abandoning your entire existence to preparing for the biggest challenge of all: being useless. 
HOW TO GET FIT FOR FATHERHOOD, since that pudgy butterball will smack you down faster than a jilted stripper and make you sicker than Tijuana tap water.   
HOW TO maintain the illusion of control, from remaining conscious during delivery to telling pushy parents where to stick their unsolicited advice.   
HOW TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE AGAIN, from getting that #$@%&! song out of your head to appreciating your wife the MILF. 
?and much more in this entertaining, life-saving, fully illustrated guidebook that no new dad should be without.